What's in a Name?

I never realized how much I say my name until I started thinking about changing it. First, when I got married. It’s kind of an assumed thing, isn’t it? As girls, we start doodling that new last name as soon as the crush starts. Jessica Koenig (don’t act surprised, Jason!). Jessica Norris. Jessica….I never had a second thought about replacing my last name with my husband’s. So after twenty-three years as Jessica Kettles, I became Jessica Pearson. Maybe “became” is the wrong word--I was certainly still the same person. Not once in the process of changing my name did I feel like I lost my identity, it was a representation of my union with a life partner. And later, it was something we shared with our children. The Pearson Family.

Eighteen years later, my marriage ended. Kind of a game changer. Maybe there was too much going on during the divorce or maybe I wanted to hold onto that connection with my kids, but I chose not to make a name change at that time. After all, it had been a part of me for almost half my life! But then, over the past two years I have started to feel a pull back to my maiden name. Maybe it’s because I’ve been writing more, which always makes me feel connected to my dad...or maybe it’s because I’ve been doing so much exploring about who I am and embracing all the gifts I developed over my first twenty-three years. Truth be told it was God who was igniting those gifts and He does that no matter what name we use! Whatever the reason, I feel a sense of joy and confidence when I claim this name back. My daughter insists I will be teased (Pots and Pans, they used to say), but I’m hoping the adult world is less cruel than my middle school classmates...

In my opinion, the name you choose is just that--a choice. I know women who are happily married and never changed their last name. The last name we choose doesn’t make us any more or less connected to our spouses or our children. We each have our own identity to embrace, and a name is one way to do that. So I am embracing my identity and this next phase of my life as Jess Kettles. Yes, my full name is Jessica and I’ll answer to that, but please don’t call me Jessie. And thanks in advance for going easy on the name jokes.